What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 03:14
I had hoped to write a book about this .
(And it was in our own minds.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But, we were locked up after school.
Do you think cheating is that bad?
I have no regrets .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why are people becoming increasingly hostile to pro-lifers? I am pro-life.
She was in good health!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But it wasn’t much.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
What are the pros and cons of living in Male, Maldives?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Comes on , in middle age.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
What do women talk about mostly(among themselves)?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
When she asked me how she looked .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
How much stronger is an average man than an average woman?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was 9 years of age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
All the time i was locked up.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
When gallery photos are deleted at the same time, why are Google photos also deleted?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Has a cop ever said something to you which was completely unexpected?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I never cut or harmed myself..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We all went to grammer schools
I said to her
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What's your review of the movie Poor Things?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why did the American's mulberry harbor not hold up after D-Day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My family never makes their pension either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So whats the point in blame.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I will be 64.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Was to survive, this bastard.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Put me off passion for life!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I waited trembling.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I don,t even have a pension.
What did i know ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Ive learnt so much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And i lived it daily.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She found it foreign!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I write beautiful poetry .
So, i spoilt her more .
He knew the spot.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
This is soul school!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She loved him until the end.
It was going to be , some day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My life is so biszare .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Who then, do I blame.?
We were not on the streets..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She wouldn,t have been !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot live in the past .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But ive been too sick for many years..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She married twice! .
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Would this be the day?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I think the readers, may guess!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.